La Culebra x It's Inspiration. A Personal Note on Rebirth x Realtionships.

 

I don't often talk a lot about my personal life but I can't NOT speak about it when I am sharing why I created La Culebra. Honestly, this story also speaks so much to how plant medicine changed my life and ultimately helped me in finding myself on this path. I felt it was important to share this perspective with yall during Libra season especially. This season is about relationships and mirrors and how those dynamics feel in our lives. As we feel the current timeline we are in, shifting- we see that right relation is crucial as we move forward. The new world is looking like harmonizing with ourselves, our communities and with the earth. What in your body is telling you that something needs to change or needs more tending to? What are your relationships feeling like? What do you want them to feel like? 

My hope is that by sharing my personal experience with these dynamics, it helps to give a tangible example of them in real time. It may also serve as a mirror to something potentially happening in your journey. Either way, here we are. 

Let’s go back to 2019 ****** 

At the time I was in a deeeeeep shift, in the deep dark of the shift. The moment when you feel like you don’t know what is next or where to even begin to start taking steps towards. I was still married to my ex-husband, I was struggling financially with BxB and honestly, struggling with what I felt my purpose was. Side note* this was at the height of my Saturn Return* IYKYK. But I digress– I was feeling super lost and unhappy, very out of touch with myself. I was working a side job where I was flying back and forth from Northern California to BK at least 1x a month- working on a friend’s cannabis farm to make extra money to sustain and live. I was exhausted and burnt out – and like….who can maneuver in the deep dark when you're in that exhausted space? I felt stuck af. For better or worse, working is something that I know how to do and will do it with no qualms, I’ll push and sometimes ignore the queues that my body is giving me to slow down. TBH, I was avoiding a lot of the discomfort in my relationship with my ex and  ignoring the deeper questions that my inner self was asking around my work, my purpose and like; what are we even doing girl? Shout out to being a pisces sun with 6 capricorn placements, my piscean escapism tendencies often lay in overworking to avoid. Sheesh. 

During this time I was experiencing dissociation in a way that I hadn't before and by that, I mean that I was actually aware of it for the first time. I was ignoring the signs and discomforts that my body was giving me. At the time my ex husband and I were going through a moment where we weren’t in tune with each other. Looking back, I know now that we were both in a dissociative and avoidant state. I was 31 then and was also moving through a hard time with my reproductive cycle, smh. Having had PCOS for years, this was no strange issue for me. But this time, I was working on my fertility and trying to get regulated,  so that I could potentially have a baby. At that time we had been together for about 8 years and my body was nottt getting pregnant. I convinced myself that maybe I couldn’t get pregnant and that the children I birthed into this world would look like art, medicine and community. I was definitely trying to convince myself of a lot of untruths and was trying to hold onto narratives that needed to be released.

My body was going through it. From missing cycles to having super painful ones when I was bleeding, to not feeling sensual or sexy in my skin. I wasn’t  enjoying physical pleasure, I wasn’t really motivated to be active in the way I had been in the past. My body was over it. 

After about 6 months of feeling off, I decided to stop hiding in isolation and behind working and reached out to some medicine family. It was time to step out of the dark and to reach out to trusted community for support. I knew them well enough to have sat in medicine circles and knew that I just needed to be around strong feminine energy. When I reconnected with them we all sat for cacao and micro dosed. It was really sweet, we set intentions, sipped our cacao & mushrooms and just talked. I learned how they were all in a sort of transition - from folks younger than me to women almost 20 years older. Each one of us was in a state of change. Again, looking back - I see that this was pre pandemic and pre timeline jumping. Our bodies knew that a huge leap was coming but we didn't have the foresight to know what that would look like. Anywho- we sat in these circles often, sometimes just to talk and to make medicine, to visit elders, to have tea, to talk about spiritual work. It was my first version of a Red Tent - it really changed my life. During this time, I was learning from them a whole lot, about medicines and about the healing act of conversation.  ** Our conscious love cacao was created during this time in response to this lovely experience and medicine I found in community. 

I began to micro dose more frequently on a regiment and began to tap into my tools of herbalism and the remembrance of communication. I knew that my body was burnt out, my nerves were fried, I was not feeling safe in my body. My hormones were not balanced, my sexual health and desire was also unwell. My inner fire was low and my desire to create wasn’t there. My goal was to soothe my nervous system so that I could feel safe in my body again. I was drinking blends of tea that included the herbs in our Culebra offering. 

I was consistently taking a micro dose of mushrooms, drinking this tea and meditating. Kundalini breath work came shortly after. I was introduced to it through a dear friend who was getting her certification. I attended a class and had an almost out of body experience. I felt the breath of fire shifting my body in real time, I felt the rise of energy from my root and felt my core ignited. I continued to go back and practice and witness the physical shift. A few months later my ex and I began to micro dose together and take time to talk. To witness each other and to try and get to know the version of ourselves and one another, as they were emerging. 

I know that our time together was ending and that my body had been telling me but my external experiences continued to enforce a reality that was no longer resonating with me. I fought against it for a while and as a result, my body began to react and dis-ease was created. I believe that through finding community and remembering how to be vulnerable, I was able to ease some of the anxiety I was having around communication. I believe that through connecting with sacred earth medicines on a vibrational level, I shifted  the stagnation out of my body and allowed myself to put some baggage down. Movement and breath work helped me to transmute that stagnation into fuel and energy, allowing me to have more capacity for vulnerability, change and self love. And while my marriage did not last, I never thought of it as a failure but rather a journey and lesson in love and rebirth. I would not be where I am today without it. And so, I am grateful. 

Writing this now, about 5 years later- it feels like a world away. I am currently a mother to a 1 year old, I am in a healthy new relationship, my work feels aligned and rooted. Don't get me wrong, there is still much work to do but I am definitely not where I was and where I felt stuck for so long. I was able to heal my body back into a space of safety and health. I went through it figuratively and truly lol and 

I am not writing this to say that this is the recipe for healing or heartbreak. I am putting this out there to share my personal perspective and to offer some tools that helped me through uncharted territory. This product is near and dear to my heart as are all of the remedios that I share. They are created from a personal and intentional space, they are my version of call and response. Life and the universe sends out the call and I am responding with transmuting the experience into embodied, thoughtful medicines. Click here to learn more about La Culebra 

Sending yall so much love x well wishes on your journey.

 

xx